Self Portrait Challenge - Blue (4)

When hobbies collide...

I have been practicing yoga, on and off, for many years. I have been in an off cycle for about three months. But I feel the need to start again.

Crazy Busy

That's what I tell people who ask how I am. It’s always the truth.

But today I’m tired and achy. My throat hurts. My fever made sleeping a funhouse of wakefulness and dreaming. I think it’s the flu.

Enforced inactivity is good for me. Except when I’m crazy busy.

I have to go into the office today; just for a few hours. Something smells in the fridge. The kitchen counter is covered with dirty dishes and a week’s worth of mail. The cat puked in the dining room. I need to buy a birthday gift. The laundry is piled high on the bedroom floor.

But all I want to do is rest: sleep, catch up on my reading, watch some movies. And try not to feel guilty about taking care of me.

It’s the balance that eludes me.

Day 3: Eat Sitting Down

Yesterday's theme was ironic. I'm posting a day late because last night I was at a work-related stand-up reception. So, not off on the best foot already!

Truthfully, this is an easy habit for me. I generally sit down to eat. It's the paying attention while eating that's the problem...

Self Portrait Challenge - Blue (3)

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something..

I used to paint my toes cobalt blue. Every week. For years. Even for my wedding. Well, it is my favorite color...

Day 2: Pick Two Reasonable Diets

No brainer. Eat to Live. Backup not required.

Need to re-read it over the next two weeks...

Day 1: Record the Advantages of Losing Weight

1. I’ll look better, at least to myself.
2. I’ll feel more confident.

In order to lose weight, I will have to adopt other habits that have their own advantages, beyond just losing weight. To succeed in maintaining these habits, I need to recognize their unique advantages as well.

Eating Healthy Food:

1. Maintain good overall health.
2. Be in control of my food choices.
3. Lose the junk food, lose the guilt.

Exercising:

1. Be physically fit.
2. Be strong.
3. Have more energy.

Although no weigh-in is required at the start of the program, my waist measured 665 mm this morning. (Using metric takes the emotional power away from the number.) I will continue to track my waist measurement rather than my weight. Currently, I am working through a fairly intensive strength-training program and will probably (hopefully) be gaining muscle mass as I lose fat.

To market, to market

I have strong opinions about food and food-related issues. But, sometimes I have to question myself. Some decisions are not as clear-cut as I would want them to be.

Where and how I buy my food is a topic I struggle with regularly.

Local versus organic

I have been buying organic for several years. I believe in organic farming. I believe it is better for the soil, for the insects and other wildlife, and for the humans. But I have come to suspect it is not better for the environment as a whole once you factor in transporting organic lettuce from California to Georgia.

In an ideal world, I would grow my own vegetables and herbs. In the real world, my backyard is too shady to grow anything but hostas.

In an ideal world, I would join a local, preferably organic, CSA. In the real world, I am hesitant to make the commitment. My work schedule can be hectic, my husband can be a picky eater, the pickup/delivery times and locations don’t work for me. Excuses, excuses, I know.

In an ideal world, I would at least go to my local farmer’s market (May through September). Every year I say I will, and I never do. I want to think that this year will be different. By going, maybe I will feel more confident joining a CSA by meeting and getting to know the people involved.

The organic reality

So, what’s the current reality of my grocery experience? Whole Foods. It’s convenient. They have what I want. That’s what it comes down to at the end of the day. Yes, it’s expensive. Years ago I decided to allow groceries to be my only budgetary splurge. I enjoy good food, and I rationalize the expense by not eating out much. But, the relatively small amount of locally grown produce bothers me. I feel guilty about my spinach from California, my onions from Peru, my imported Italian olive oil. No matter if I join a CSA or buy at the farmer’s market, I know I will still come here for grains and beans and, yes, Italian olive oil. I am open to other options; I just don’t know what they are yet.

Conclusion

I will make a commitment to shop at the farmer’s market this year. I will read Plenty and hopefully be inspired. I will re-visit this topic later in the year to report on my progress.

The inevitable weight loss post

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. I read that sentence on one of my favorite blogs this week, and it has been resonating with me since. I know I have seen/read/heard those words before, but they took on real meaning for me in this particular context: taking care of ourselves.

I definitely fall in the petite range, my BMI is healthy, but I’m currently about 10 pounds heavier than I would wish to be. Most people looking at me would not say I was heavy, but looking good in clothes is not the same as looking good naked. Ten pounds may not sound like much. But it represents almost ten percent of my current weight.

I have been trying to lose these pounds for what feels like a lifetime. I eat healthy food; I exercise somewhat regularly. Still, I no longer remember what my “goal weight” looks or feels like. The fact that I cannot lose this weight points out that, although I think I eat right and exercise, I am clearly sabotaging myself somewhere along the way. Not taking the best care of myself.

Losing this weight requires that I adopt, maintain, and reinforce a host of healthy habits. Some I have, some I don’t, and some come and go in my life. Since the stated purpose of this blog is to examine my habits, this seems like a great place to begin my journey.

I’ll be following the Beck Diet Solution with this blog as my journal. I have tried Beck before and only made it through the first week and a half. I am afraid of trying again and failing. Publicly. But I hope that the public aspect of a blog will keep me more accountable than private journaling.

Official start date: Sunday, February 17, 2008

Self Portrait Challenge - Blue

While I am new to blog writing, I am not new to blog reading. Every week, I look forward to the SPC entries of other bloggers. Having recently discovered my own joy in photography, I hope this will be a way to encourage my creativity. I give you…

…something I see in the visor mirror on my drive home.

Bread, the reviews

It was delicious. I made a similar loaf a few weeks ago with a commercially yeasted starter. This wild yeast loaf had more flavor; a hint of sour lent depth the the taste. A win, and an encouragement to maintain the mother starter.

My daily bread

OK, then. Setting up the blog took far less time and talent than I imagined. Guess it pays to be a late adopter!

Since it’s already a few days into February, I’ll tackle what I think will be an easy topic this month: baking my own bread.

Why? My history of bread:

I started baking my own bread, every week, about 18 months ago. No ordinary white sandwich bread for this gal. Oh, no. 100% Whole Wheat. Organic. Hearth Bread. Occasionally I’ll make bagels, or, for the holidays, pannettone. I like to mix it up a bit and try new things.

Good bread is hard to find. Simple, tasty, whole grain, vegan bread, with ingredients I recognize is in short supply, even at the health food stores. And if I do find it, it’s pricey.

My bread has improved greatly with time. The first attempts were leaden and best forgotten. Now my loaves are crusty, chewy, and well risen. I am currently using a delayed fermentation technique from Peter Reinhart’s latest book. Fabulous. It’s by far the best tasting and easiest-to-make whole wheat bread I’ve encountered.

This week’s experience:

Saturday afternoon

I decide on a whole wheat and kamut batard. I need to start the pre-ferments on Saturday so I can bake the bread on Sunday. Making the soaker is easy. Making the starter is a bit less familiar this week, as it is only my second loaf using a mother starter. (I created the mother starter for a loaf of volkenbrot that my husband requested last week. It was a disaster in so many ways.) I have been struggling to understand how to maintain the starter in perpetuity with the least amount of waste. The process is not clearly explained anywhere in this book, or so I thought. Today, I happen to glance at one of the sidebar commentaries, and there it is, on page 80, in small print, on the left hand side: the mother starter epiphany. This small discovery makes the afternoon’s effort completely worthwhile.

Sunday morning

I take the starter out of the fridge; it has to warm up a bit before I can make the final dough. After the gooey, gluey mess that was last week’s bread, I thoroughly enjoy making a predominantly wheat dough. It is a comfortable rhythm of scaling, mixing, kneading. I proof the dough on the warm side of the kitchen table, near the window. It rises beautifully. I shape it and let it rise again. Into the oven it goes along with water for the steam pan. It springs into a beautiful loaf. The steam burns my face when I open the door later to retrieve the pan. I forgive; for it is this steam that makes the crust just the way I like it. In forty minutes the bread is done. I realize, as I set it out to cool, that I forgot to slash the loaf before baking. Ah well, I can still enjoy the nutty aroma as it cools atop the washing machine, knowing that it will be delicious.

Conclusion

I am a total bread geek and can go on at great length about it. It interests me intellectually as I seek to understand the why and how of making good bread. It gives me sensory pleasure to knead the dough in my hands, inhaling the yeasty aroma, to see the handsome rustic loaf come out of the oven, to taste the bread, its flavor unadorned. It gives me confidence, knowing that this is something I can do well. And, I get to eat good bread!

A grand ambition

I am not a writer.

I am many things; I aspire to be more.

I hope to chronicle my journey, and along the way discover which of my accomplishments and aspirations are truly authentic to myself.

The plan, for now, is to focus on one aspect of my life per month. Whether it be evaluating an entrenched habit or trying out a new one. I need a venue to be honest with myself, to be accountable, to capture my feelings regularly. I am excited to embark on this adventure into my own mind, and I wonder where it will take me.

My goal for this month is simply to get a blog up and running…